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Qui-Gon nods because, just as Ezra's been asserting, he is right. The partnership between Master and Padawan is a two-way street full of shared responsibility. Yes, as Qui-Gon stated, the teacher is the one who assumes the most responsibility, but that's only a natural turn of events--it's a latent protective paternal instinct present in most Jedi who choose to take on a Padawan. It's the byproduct of the Jedi Order who, despite their insistence in forbidding attachment, turns around and has their Masters take children under their collective wings, forming tiny families in all but blood.

As much as Qui-Gon loved the Order, such hypocrisies didn't escape his notice... nor his ire.

"That is true," Qui-Gon confirms, "and you've done everything in your power to follow your instincts and do what you can to keep him safe. That includes forming alliances you believe to be beneficial."

He gives Ezra's shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

"Whatever the consequence, know that your intentions were good and continue to trust in them and your instincts."

It's not really enough to settle Ezra's guilt. Intentions may be all well and good, but consequences matter, too. Still, Qui-Gon is trying to comfort him, and that alone... helps. Helps in an intangible way that makes Ezra burrow into that squeeze a little bit. The warmth of that hold and Qui-Gon's steady presence are like a rock, or an anchor, that Ezra really needs. For now, it'll do.

It'll do until he can talk to Kanan himself.

"Don't your instincts ever lead your wrong?" he murmurs, half protest, but half curious.

Qui-Gon considers the question, giving it the time and thought it deserves before he responds.

"My instincts are based on what the living Force is telling me, therefore I cannot say that they have ever led me wrong."

He sighs heavily, his chest rising and falling enough that his entire body shifts. He can feel Ezra's head move along with it.

"But there are times when I have to remember that what is good for the galaxy may not necessarily be good for me. I may fail in protecting someone, but ultimately, it may be for someone else's benefit in the long run. We can only put our trust in the Force and that our actions will contribute to something greater."

A few moments pass as he remembers his many failures... people who have died under his watch, governments that have crumbled despite his attempts at keeping order, relationships that have dissolved because of poor words and even poorer decisions... but then there are also his many successes. The legacy he has left behind in worlds saved, citizens kept alive, and happiness brought with simple actions and statements.

The life of a Jedi is humble, but also overwhelming in its scope.

"At the end of the day, Ezra, we can only do our best. Sometimes our best will lead to successes to be celebrated, other times, they are opportunities to learn that can only be experienced through failure. What matters is what you let define you, and how you apply that experience to your next decision."

Not exactly the words that a kid wants to hear, that sometimes he'll fail even if he's following the will of the Force. But... in a way, it is comforting to think that even if he screws up, or if he fails, it might still be good for the galaxy, just in ways he can't see.

Even so...

"Does that mean it would be bad to want to change it?" He lifts his head to look at Qui-Gon for a moment before letting it rest back where it had been, to listen to a heart that's still beating despite Qui-Gon's own stated failure. He wants it to keep beating just as badly as he doesn't want Kanan to get hurt. "Am I going against the will of the Force? Or is what I do part of what it wants?"

"As Jedi, we have a distinct advantage in that we can hear and interpret--for the most part--what the Force is trying to tell us. It is a power that can be misconstrued, but only if we allow our personal desires to sway it."

Qui-Gon won't insult Ezra's intelligence by pretending he doesn't know what it is the boy is alluding to, and he tilts his own head to match the Padawan's gaze with a knowing neutrality. He has his own opinions on the matter, being one of the many people whose fates Ezra is trying to change, but this isn't his decision to make.

"I don't have a direct answer to your question, Ezra. What I do know is that the Force adapts to our decisions, and that we are not free of the consequences thereof. But most of all, I know we must accept whatever comes to pass--whether we like it or not."

Ezra has to chew on that for a moment. He can read between the lines, too, to hear Qui-Gon's reminder about their conversation before. Acceptance. He'd promised to accept the outcome, no matter what it was. But it's not here yet. I can still try for something else.

Is that selfish? Is he only acting on his own desires here?

"But I can want something that the Force wants too. Right? Personal desires aren't always bad. And they're not always the only reason someone has."

"Yes you can, and no they are not."

Qui-Gon offers Ezra another half-hug and a small, poignant smile. This isn't a lecture, nor is he trying to dissuade Ezra from doing what he believes is right, but caution is an important virtue and acceptance is a quality that will keep the boy on the right path.

"What is important is acceptance, and how you intend to learn from your experience."

Edited 2017-07-31 16:43 (UTC)

Something in Ezra relaxes a little at that one-armed hug. The words help, yes, but the hug underscores them, giving them a more concrete feel. Ezra closes his eyes, relishing the contact without question, even slipping his own arms around Qui-Gon.

"I don't know what I'll learn," he admits. "But I'd still like to find out. It's... It feels important to me."

"'We are not to know, we are to do'." Qui-Gon murmurs in response, his voice instinctively lowering as Ezra makes himself comfortable even further. Something tells him that the boy's late night travel will be catching up to him soon--best to keep from making too much noise.

"It's a Jedi proverb," he explains, "about the uncertainty of the future, and our role in the present. You'll find your place, Ezra, and your correct path. Just continue doing good."

Qui-Gon's more perceptive than Ezra is right now, fatigue creeping in behind the boy's eyes without him even realizing it. "I will," he murmurs, promise heartfelt no matter that the world's beginning to fade. "Do the best I can." And it's comforting, in a way, that he doesn't always have to know what to do - because he doesn't always know what to do. But if it's enough to follow what his heart tells him is right...

He can do that. Maybe not perfectly, but still. He can do it.

And that thought's enough to bring him the peace he needed when he sought Qui-Gon out tonight. The last bit of tension keeping him awake dissipates, and... well. Qui-Gon makes a perfectly good pillow to rest his head against, warm robes, gentle arms, and all.

"I know you will."

Qui-Gon's voice is quiet with sobriety, but not devoid of hope for Ezra's future. Whatever the boy is destined to encounter is uncertain, and he has many paths sprawling before his undoubtedly shaky feet. But Qui-Gon trusts Ezra's desire to do the right thing, just as he trusts the young Padawan will falter, just as he trusts that he'll pick himself up, dust off his clothes, and continue forward. It's clear that he has the indomitable spirit of a Jedi in the making.

When Ezra falls silent, Qui-Gon gently brushes his fingers through his hair, tied up in a ponytail reminiscent of a Padawan from years long past and a culture long decimated. It hurts, at first, to think of the Jedi Order as nothing but a fairy tale, its followers reduced to the ranks of specters and mythology. But then his thoughts turn to the very real fact that the Jedi Order's future will be carried on by the likes of Luke and the boy nestled against his side. Suddenly, things don't seem so bad. Suddenly, the briefest glimpses of hope are enough to sway Qui-Gon's thoughts along a more positive route--in no small part thanks to the dedication Ezra has already shown to his cause.

The Padawan's breathing evens out and his grip, although still secure, relaxes just enough to clue Qui-Gon in on what's happened. Ezra is asleep, and the old Jedi is trapped.

Just as well, Qui-Gon muses with a smile as he unceremoniously tosses the unused packet of tea onto the nearby table, he's had me trapped since the moment he arrived on this island.

He settles into the couch without much thought going into comfort. He's slept in far worse conditions on different assignments, and although his own apprentices may have complained about piles of garbage digging into their backs or torrential rainfall making their cloaks soggy and unfit to keep them warm, Qui-Gon always took it all in stride.

Despite his past reluctance to take on Obi-Wan after his failure with Xanatos, Qui-Gon now finds himself missing those days. The days filled with mild heart attacks at the behest of his Padawan's safety, those precious moments of learning and discovery, and heartfelt conversations where he could impart wisdom and receive new perspective in return. Here, with Ezra, Rey, Lune, and others from their galaxy looking to learn about the path of the Jedi, he can relive them a little bit and do his part to ensure the Jedi will never truly die.

He glances down at Ezra once more before allowing his own eyes to flutter shut, easing his body into a state between meditation and sleep. It's not a disposition that allows for dreaming outside of the occasional capricious message from the Force, but it does leave room for thought. As such, a single question briefly crosses Qui-Gon's mind, leaving it open to considering all of its possible answers:

What kind of person will you become?

Qui-Gon doesn't want to entertain the idea that Ezra could fall down a dark path, but the chance is still there. It's always there. Xanatos taught him that. Still, and it could very well be the product of his optimistic words minutes ago, he can't help but believe that Ezra will, regardless of his ultimate fate, make himself and his master proud and the galaxy a better place.

And that's what really matters.

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